Breaking the Girl
by SIGF
Summary: Mal has to break the news to Kaylee after her family is killed by Reavers. Takes place after the series, but before the movie. COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Breaking the Girl

**Summary:** Mal has to break the news to Kaylee after her family is killed by Reavers. Takes place after Firefly the series but before the BDM.

**Spoilers: **Serenity (the pilot), Out of Gas

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Firefly, cause if I did I'd make damn sure that it was still on the air. All the characters belong to the amazingly talented Joss Whedon, and not me. I'm just going to play with them for a little while.

**Pairings:** Kaylee/Mal

**Author's Note: **Love it or hate it, just let me know what you think!

* * *

"Mal, you might want to look at this," Wash summoned over the intercom, using his serious voice. Mal knew that something was usually wrong when Wash, who was hardly ever serious about anything, used his serious voice. 

"What've we got?" Mal asked, as he headed up to the bridge.

Wash pointed to the Cortex. "Just look," he told him.

Mal's eyes narrowed a little as he concentrated on the words on the Cortex. "It's a Reaver warning," Mal grunted. As much as he hated to admit it, Reavers made him nervous, especially when he had a crew to watch over. "I guess they're in our vicinity."

"Yeah, but it's worse than that. Finish reading the report," Wash said gravely.

Scanning the rest of the words, Mal's eyes suddenly widened. "_Lao tyen, boo_… Kaylee," he breathed.

"Yeah," Wash sighed. "The Reavers attacked her hometown on Celestia and didn't leave any survivors. Her family… they're dead, Mal. We're not too far out from Celestia right now. That's why we got that warning on the Cortex."

He waited for the Captain to say something else, or to give him an order. Mal's silence was pretty unnerving. "Do you… do you want me to have the Shepherd deal with this? Or maybe Zoe?" Wash asked lightly. There was no way in hell he was volunteering for the job.

"No. No, I'll tell her," Mal replied with a catch in his voice. As much as he didn't want to do it, _gorramit_ he didn't want to do it, he knew that the news had to come from him.

Wash looked at Mal and saw the despair in the Captain's eyes. He knew that Mal had always tried to protect Kaylee from the harsh realities of the world. This time, though, it was pretty unavoidable. To tell the girl that her entire family had been slaughtered by Reavers… no, there was just no way to sugarcoat that.

"I'll tell her tomorrow," Mal said gruffly. _Gorramit_, he was a coward.

"Um, don't you think that this news might be a little too important to wait?" Wash asked in a tone heavy with sarcasm.

"Tomorrow," Mal said firmly.

"Mal- " Wash scolded, but he was quickly interrupted by the Captain.

"Just… let's just let her have one more night of innocence," Mal said softly. At this, Wash _was _surprised. He wasn't used to Mal sounding so downhearted. Usually, even when things were really grim, his voice remained calm. Also, Mal's order was more of a plea than a command. It was quite unsettling, and for once Wash missed Mal's 'my way or the highway' attitude. All Wash could do was nod in response.

For Mal's part, he was fighting within himself. He knew it was wrong to wait to tell Kaylee. But he also knew that this news would devastate her. So if he had to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders for one night, so be it. He was going to protect Kaylee for as long as he could.

"You're late for dinner," Zoe's voice echoed over the intercom, breaking Mal from his thoughts.

"We'll be right there, baby," Wash replied. "Mal… " Wash started unsurely, wondering whether the Captain would be joining them or not.

"Let's go," Mal said. The pain was instantly gone from his eyes and his calm exterior was back. It was kind of scary how easily he could mask his feelings from the world when he put his mind to it.

* * *

"What in the _gorram_ hell took you so long?" Jayne yelled as Wash and the Captain entered the dining room. "I'm starvin'!" 

Wash looked over at Mal. When he saw that the Captain had no intention of responding to Jayne's complaints he said, "Oh well, you know… just bonding with the Captain." Zoe raised an inquisitive eyebrow, but Mal gave her a look that told her not to ask questions.

"Well then let's eat already!" Jayne groaned and started filling his plate.

Mal focused his gaze on Kaylee. He wanted to soak up as much of her brightness as he could that night, as he didn't know how long it would be before she would shine again. He watched her laugh at some joke the doctor told. He watched as the smile never left her face all throughout dinner. How was he supposed to bring her world to a screeching halt? Shouldn't he be able to protect her from that kind of pain?

She came up to him after dinner was over, and he wondered if she noticed that he had been staring at her all night. "Everythin' all right, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked him.

"Everythin's shiny," he responded to her. Guilt ate away at him for lying to her. But he'd take that guilt if it meant keeping her happy for just a bit longer.

Kaylee wasn't convinced, though. "It's just that, you seem a little… sad, is all. I don't like seein' my cap'n sad," she said.

_And I don't like seein' my little Kaylee sad_. "Nothin' for you to worry your pretty lil' head over, _mei-mei_," he responded and gave her a light smile.

She beamed at him and said, "Okay, well just try to cheer up some. That's an _order_."

"Is it now?" he asked with amusement. Only Kaylee could get away with saying something like that on his boat, and she knew it.

"You betcha. Well if you need me some, I'll be in the engine room tendin' to our girl," she told him. She then kissed him on the cheek and pranced away happily. As he watched her walk away, the weight in his chest felt heavier than ever.

Chinese:  
_Lao tyen, boo - Oh God, no_

_mei-mei - dear sister_


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a sleepless night for Mal, as his worry for Kaylee had kept him from finding any kind of peace. Since things were only going to get worse after she found out about her family, he had a feeling that there would be many more sleepless nights to come.

It was early now, about an hour before breakfast, but he headed for the engine room knowing that Kaylee would be there. She was, after all, an early riser. As much as he dreaded the task ahead of him, he knew that it was time to tell Kaylee about her family. He realized that it had been wrong to keep her in the dark for this long, but his desire to spare Kaylee from pain had superseded any kind of reasoning.

He entered the engine room and sure enough, Kaylee was already awake and tending to _Serenity_. "Morning, Cap'n!" she said brightly. "You're just the person that I wanted to see."

"You don't say. _Serenity _doing alright?" he inquired, welcoming any excuse to avoid doing what he had come there to do.

"Yep." she told him. "It's just that, I noticed we're near Celestia, and I was wonderin', if t'weren't too much trouble, if I could maybe stop by and see my family?"

Mal's face drained of all color at her request. This isn't how he wanted to break it to her that her family was dead.

Kaylee mistook his reaction for a 'no,' and started pleading her case. "I know it's about a day outta the way, but it'd really mean a lot to me, Cap'n. I mean, I haven't seen my family for ages. And you could take the extra gas money out've my pay, I wouldn't mind."

"Oh little Kaylee," he sighed. "I wish we could." His chest tightened as he watched her face fall. It was only going to get worse. Much, much worse.

"But Cap'n… it'd mean so much to me, and I wouldn't ask for nothin' else for a real long time- "

"Kaylee," he cut her off sternly. "We can't see your family." Her eyes got all big and before she could break his heart with more pleas, he decided to tell her the truth. "Kaylee listen to me, okay? There was an attack on Celestia."

If possible her eyes got even bigger at his words. A horrible feeling edged its way into her gut, and she knew whatever was coming next wasn't going to be good. She waited for him to continue and started trembling with fear.

"It was Reavers," he said quietly.

"What… what are you saying, Cap'n?" she asked frantically, backing up away from him, as if she could hide from what she knew was coming. "My family, they're alright, aren't they? Please tell me they're alright."

He looked away from her. He couldn't look her in the eyes as he told her. What a _gorram_ coward he was. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

A cry of anguish escaped Kaylee's lips and she sank to a heap on the floor. Mal got on his knees and gathered the small girl in his arms. Tenderly stroking her hair, he whispered soothingly into her ear. "That's right, _mei-mei_, you just let it all out," he said tenderly. He held onto her as tightly as he could while she sobbed into his chest.

Seeing Kaylee sad caused Mal more pain than he'd like to admit. He would almost rather be tortured by Niska than be forced to watch Kaylee cry. Her tears just seemed to pierce at him like little daggers. She cried for hours, stopping only after her body went limp with exhaustion. Mal looked down at her and saw that she had cried herself to sleep. Her eyes were so puffy that it looked like they were welded shut.

He remembered something that he had said to Jayne a long time ago. "_I don't believe there is a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful_." He shouldn't have underestimated the cruelty of the 'verse. Now her sparkle was gone and he wondered if it would ever return. Pain and loss had driven Mal to darkness long ago, and he had never managed to find his way back. He just hoped that Kaylee was stronger than that.

"What's going on here?" the Captain heard Simon's voice ask as it echoed through the engine room.

"Shhhh, you'll wake her up!" Mal scolded quietly. "Help me get her to her room."

Simon nodded as Mal picked Kaylee up. He opened all the doors for the Captain and helped him get Kaylee down the ladder into her bunk. Mal gently placed Kaylee down on her bed and looked at her for a while. He gently stroked her cheek before leaving the room.

"Should I get my medical bag?" Simon asked as Mal left Kaylee's room.

"Not unless you've got somethin' in there that can fix a broken heart," the Captain replied. At the doctor's confused look, he elaborated. "Her family. Killed. By Reavers."

Simon swallowed hard. "How… awful," he commented, not able to find sufficient words to describe the situation. "I trust you broke the news to her a little more gently than that?"

"And I trust I'll not so gently break your face if you continue this conversation," Mal warned. "I know how to take care of my own. You best watch before you suggest any different."

"I'm just worried about Kaylee, that's all," Simon stated.

"And you think I'm not?" Mal asked, getting up in Simon's face so that they were practically nose-to-nose.

Simon sighed. "That's not what I meant." His words seemed to ease Mal a little bit, but not enough for Simon's liking. "How is she?" he asked.

"As terrible as you'd expect her to be," Mal replied. He shook his head and backed away from the doctor. He didn't have time for small talk with Simon, not when Kaylee needed him. "I'm gonna tell the crew what happened, to make sure they're fragile with her. Stay with her until I get back, _dong ma_? I don't want her waking up alone." He took one last look in the direction of Kaylee's room before leaving, anxious to get back to her sooner rather than later.

Chinese:  
_mei-mei - dear sister_

_dong ma? - understand?_


	3. Chapter 3

Mal entered Kaylee's room about an hour later and noticed that she was still asleep. Simon was sitting next to her bed, stroking her hand tenderly. At that sight, something inside of Mal twitched. It was like he was angry but he didn't know why. Ignoring the feeling, he quietly got Simon's attention and then gestured for the doctor to follow him into the hallway.

"Did she wake up any?" Mal asked Simon once Kaylee's hatch was closed.

"No," Simon answered. "She's been moaning in her sleep, though. I think she's been having some nightmares."

Mal nodded. That was to be expected. "Alright. I'll take over from here. You can go now," he said dismissively.

"I can stay with her. I don't mind," Simon stated.

Mal narrowed his eyes at the younger man. "Yeah, I bet you don't."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Simon asked heatedly, not appreciating the Captain's insinuation.

"Exactly what you think it means," Mal replied, getting in the doctor's face. "Don't think I didn't see you. That little girl in there is mighty vulnerable. I wouldn't want someone like you thinking they could take advantage of her in this state."

"That's ridiculous," Simon said, not backing down. "You can't honestly think I would do that."

"If I need any help with Kaylee, I'll get the Shepherd. He's already more than willing," Mal said coldly.

"Don't you think Kaylee can use all the friends she can get right now?" Simon countered.

"We wouldn't be havin' this conversation if I thought you had _friendly_ intentions."

The argument was cut by a scream coming from Kaylee's room. "No please! Leave them alone!" she yelled.

Simon and Mal looked at each other briefly in surprise before bolting into Kaylee's room.

"Kaylee? Kaylee, wake up!" Mal commanded. He sat on her bed and put his hands on her shoulders, shaking her lightly. "Wake up!"

She awoke with a start and sat upright, gasping for air. "Cap'n?" she asked with confusion, once she caught her breath.

"Yeah, _mei-mei_, it's me, just me," he said soothingly. "You was just dreamin' is all," he told her. He noticed that even when waking up, before getting her wits about her, she addressed him as 'Captain' and not 'Mal.' As inappropriate as it was in the situation at hand, a part of him wondered what his name would sound like from her lips.

"And my family? Was that just a part of the dream?" she asked hopefully.

"No, Kaylee," the man behind him said. Mal had forgotten for a second that Simon was still in the room. "I'm… I'm sorry," Simon said, looking down.

Kaylee's eyes began to water over. "Oh," she said weakly. After a long pause, she cleared her throat and blinked away her unshed tears. "Well, no sense in you two fussin' over me. I'll be alright," she said unconvincingly.

"Got no place else to be," Mal said casually, not wanting her to feel like a burden. Truth was, there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

Simon also wanted to stay with Kaylee. He cared about her, he knew that much, and all he wanted was to gather her up in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. It was clear, however, that Mal wasn't leaving anytime soon, and three in this situation was surely a crowd. He knew then that he may be a part of their crew, but he wasn't yet a part of their family.

"I should go and check on River," he said. Perhaps it was for the best. If River had sensed Kaylee's thoughts, then she'd be upset as well. "You know where to find me if you need me," he told Kaylee and she nodded. With that, he climbed up the ladder and left her room.

"You should sleep, _mei-mei_, you look exhausted," Mal told the young mechanic, but she shook her head fiercely.

"Don't wanna sleep. I see 'em dyin' in my sleep," she said quietly. She closed her eyes and shivered, even though she wasn't cold. She opened her eyes and look at him, brow furrowing in concern. "You alright, Cap'n? You look pretty tired yourself. I wouldn't want ya wearin' yourself out on account of me."

He smiled lightly and wondered if anyone in the 'verse was as unselfish as Kaywinnit Lee Frye. It had only been hours since she had found out that her family was dead, and instead of drowning herself in self-pity she was more concerned with the well-being of others. Even when all her happiness was gone, you couldn't stop Kaylee from loving. He was extremely comforted by that fact.

"I hate seein' you like this is all," he told her, holding her small hands in his large, rough ones.

"I'm sorry, I really am. It just hurts so much," she said, with the tears she'd been trying to hold back rapidly falling down her face. "It's like I can hardly breathe," she told him.

He pulled her close to him in a comforting embrace and said, "If ever you can't breathe, I'll breathe for you. Just remember that."

"Thanks, Cap'n," she said, her voice muffled by his chest. She remained there for a long time, letting his shirt soak up her tears. "Cap'n, how did… how did you find out about my family?" she finally asked.

He sighed. "There was a bulletin over the Cortex last night, once we got in Celestia's orbit."

She abruptly pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. "Last night?" she asked accusingly.

_Oh crap_, he thought. "Now don't you go looking at me like that, Kaylee," he pleaded.

"You knew about my family last night at dinner, didn't you? That's why you kept looking at me, that's why you looked sad? And you waited twelve hours, twelve _gorram_ hours before you told me anything!" Her voice got louder and louder as she went on. She jumped off the bed, as if she couldn't stomach his closeness.

"I thought it'd be for your own good," Mal said, trying to calm his raging mechanic.

"Sure, right. If I didn't ask you if I could visit 'em, would ya even have told me at all?" she fumed.

He stood up and started walking toward her slowly. "_Mei-mei_- "

"Don't call me that! Don't ever call me that!" she yelled, freezing him in his place. "You say you wanna protect me, but you're nothin' but a yellow-bellied coward! I hate you!" She started pounded her tiny fists into his chest. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" she kept repeating.

Mal for his part just stood there and took it. He had never seen Kaylee like this before. Sure, he had managed to make her angry at times, but he had never sent her into a rage like this. To his knowledge, nobody in the 'verse ever had either. Still, he reckoned rage was better than tears. So he just stood there and absorbed her blows and her words without defending himself. As much as it hurt hearing her scream that she hated him- she had never said those words to him before- he just stood there and took it.

Finally her yells turned into sobs and she started slinking to the ground. Mal held her up in a tight hug and started soothing her again. As much as he hated to see her cry, a part of him was glad that her raging was over. To his surprise though, she pushed away from him. He nearly shuddered as she looked at him with complete disgust in her eyes. "Don't touch me. Just stay away from me!" she yelled and ran out of her room crying.

Mal just stood where he was, shell-shocked. His heart ached, but he didn't know if it was for Kaylee or himself. Kaylee had always put him on a pedestal of sorts. She always thought of him as a hero, as someone who would do anything to protect his crew, and now she looked at him as if he were a monster. A _gorram_ monster. Damn, that hurt. "_Hwoon dahn_!" Mal shouted in frustration, banging his fist into the wall. He left Kaylee's room and skulked away, but no matter how far he got, his thoughts were haunted by the look of loathing in her eyes. As he stormed down the hallway he ran into Simon.

"What was all that yelling about? Is everything okay?" the doctor asked Mal.

"Look," Mal said to Simon without answering his question and grabbed his shirt roughly. "I know what I said before about staying away from Kaylee, and I don't think I was entirely wrong. But if you find a way to make that little girl smile again, you take it, you hear?" Mal ordered as the sound of Kaylee's sobs echoed throughout the ship. Simon nodded his head and watched as Mal walked away angrily. He figured that until Kaylee cheered up again, living on the same boat as Mal was not going to be a fun experience.

Chinese:

_mei-mei - little sister_

_hwoon dahn - son of a bitch_


	4. Chapter 4

_I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who have taken the time to leave me feedback. All your comments have been so kind, and I reallyappreciate them. Hope you like this next chapter._

* * *

It had been three days since Kaylee had yelled at Mal, and in that time they had managed to avoid each other. Kaylee did her part by staying in her room, sometimes venturing into the engine room, and Mal did his part by steering clear of both of those places. The Preacher brought Kaylee her meals, most of which remained uneaten or just picked at. Shepherd had tried to talk to her on many occasions, but she would only tell him in an empty voice that she wanted to be alone.

Simon had tried to talk to her too, but she gave him the same line. One day he said worriedly, "Kaylee, it's not healthy to shut everyone out. You have to talk to someone."

"_Serenity_ talks to me," she said numbly. "I go up in the engine room an' she talks."

That answer did nothing to soothe Simon, and only worried him more. When he saw that she wasn't going to say anything else, he left to talk to the Shepherd about his concerns.

The person who finally did get through to Kaylee was River. She gracefully entered Kaylee's room, barefoot as usual, and stared at the mechanic for a while. Kaylee tried to ignore the girl's presence, but it's hard to ignore the presence of someone like River. Finally she said, "River, could you leave me alone please?"

River just tilted her head and replied, "He hurts. Almost as much as you, he hurts."

Kaylee sighed. "Tell Simon thanks for carin' and all, but- "

"Not Simon, silly," River smiled.

Kaylee rolled over on her bed and met River's gaze with a confused look. "Who're you talkin' 'bout, River?"

Instead of elaborating, River just continued. "He's hurting, for you and for himself. He wants to see you smile again. He wants to see you smile at _him_."

Remaining silent, Kaylee swallowed hard. She knew that River was talking about the Captain. Remembering all the things that she had said to him the other day, she suddenly felt terrible. She hadn't actually been mad at him. She was mad at herself, the Reavers, the world, but not at him. There were so many emotions overwhelming her after she found out about her family that she felt like she was going to explode. So she did. And she threw her emotions onto Mal, her rage and pain and sorrow, because she knew he would let her. She had no idea that her words had affected him so much.

River smiled, sensing Kaylee's thoughts. "He's lost now. Just like you. The only way back is to find each other first. Can't do it alone."

Kaylee nodded and River left the room, just as quietly as she had come in.

* * *

"Mal," Shepherd Book started, "I need to talk to you."

"Well no one's stoppin' ya," Mal said shortly. He had been in his room, enjoying his peace and quiet, when the Shepherd knocked on his door demanding to talk to him.

"You could have fooled me. You've been in quite a mood these past three days. Living on _Serenity_ with you like this hasn't really been a pleasant experience," Shepherd stated.

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about, Shepherd?" Mal asked heatedly. "Because if you don't like the way I run things, you're welcome to get off this boat."

The Shepherd just smiled. "No, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I've grown used to your moods. It's about Kaylee, actually. I'm worried that she's not doing too well."

"Well that ain't exactly my concern, is it?" Mal grunted. Despite his words, he felt a tightening in his chest.

"Oh come on, Mal. I don't believe that for a second. This, coming from the guy who said, 'Treat her well or I'll put my fist through your face,' after her family died? I believe she is your concern," he remarked.

"Look, Shepherd, stop wasting my time and just tell me your piece," Mal said.

Shepherd sighed. "The girl has been wasting away, Mal. She's just a shell of herself. She won't talk to anyone and she barely eats. Things can't go on like this much longer," he said solemnly.

Mal shook his head, hoping that he could shake away his thoughts. He felt like he was suffocating. "Well what do you expect me to do about it?" he asked with annoyance. He was more annoyed with himself, though, for not having an answer to that question. He didn't know how to fix Kaylee, how to make her better, but what hurt the most was that she didn't even want him to try.

"I'm not exactly sure. But sulking about and yelling at your crew can't be the answer, can it?" Shepherd challenged.

"I'll yell at who I _gorram_ wanna yell at!" Mal shouted.

"Perhaps I should be worrying about you too," Shepherd frowned.

"Don't waste your time, Preacher," Mal responded.

"Alright then, I've said what I had to say," the Shepherd replied, realizing that he wasn't going to get through to the Captain. He walked over to the ladder. "Goodnight, Mal," he said, leaving the Captain's quarters.

A few minutes later, there was a knocking on his door again. "_Gorramit_, Shepherd, can't you just leave me alone?" Mal groaned.

"It's um, me, not the Shepherd," he heard a light voice say and he sat up in his bed instantly. _Kaylee_. "I could come back later if now's a bad time… "

"No, no, come in," Mal responded, the tone of his voice changing completely. He stood up, waiting to see what she wanted. At least she didn't sound mad.

Kaylee obeyed Mal's command and climbed down the ladder into his room. The two just stood there awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with each other.

"Is there, erm, something I could- " he started, but was cut off as he was nearly tackled to the ground. To his surprise, Kaylee had launched herself into his arms.

"Oh, Cap'n, I'm so sorry!" she wailed. "I said the most awful things to ya, and I didn't even mean 'em, I swear!"

Mal wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. He had been starved of her for so long that having her there with him made him ache inside. "Don't you worry yourself over me, little Kaylee. I should've told you what happened sooner. T'was wrong of me not to."

He felt her shaking her head in his chest. "No Cap'n. I know you was just trying to protect me is all. Like you always do."

His arms tightened around her and he slowly exhaled. He felt something inside himself slowly beginning to heal. Something that had broken at the exact moment she had. He wondered if she felt it too.

"I didn't mean what I gone and said," she told him again. "I was so angry at everythin' and just took it out on you." She looked up at him with big concerned eyes. "Did I hurt ya real bad?"

He smiled warmly at her. "I'm fine, little Kaylee. _Xie-xie ni_. But it's you who needs comfortin' right now, not me."

"I'm shiny," she told him, but even as she said that her eyes began to water and tears began to fall.

"_Fay hwa_, Kaylee. You don't have to go putting on a brave face for me," he said while wiping away her tears.

Kaylee just sniffled in response, fearing that if she opened her mouth to talk she would start sobbing again. Her mouth forced its way open a few moments later, however, in the form of a large yawn.

"You should probably get some rest," Mal said softly, concerned by her constant fatigue.

She nodded in agreement. "You're probably right. But Cap'n, would you mind if I stayed here with you?" Kaylee flushed with embarrassment at his puzzled expression and looked away quickly. "It's just that, I'm so tired of bein' alone all the time, and my nightmares are so bad that they keep me up. I thought if you was around they might stop," she rambled. "I could sleep on the floor or somethin' I just wanna be… near you. You make me feel safe, is all," she finally finished.

Kaylee was redder than ever but Mal just smiled. "_Dahng rahn_, little Kaylee. I'll chase your nightmares away."

He got onto his bed and she moved about to make a sleeping nest on the floor. Grabbing her hand he said, "On the bed, Kaylee."

She flushed again, about to insist that it wasn't necessary, but he wouldn't let go of her hand. She finally conceded and flopped down next to him on his small bed, so that she was facing the Captain. He wrapped his arms around her and said soothingly, "Sleep now, little Kaylee."

Kaylee was amazed, not for the first time, that a man with such a gruff exterior could show her such tenderness. Smiling slightly she whispered into his ear. "You know, you really _are_ a good man, Cap'n." He smiled over her head, grateful that she couldn't see it. After all, he did have a reputation to protect.

Kaylee didn't have any bad dreams that night.

* * *

After Mal woke up, it didn't take long for him to regret letting Kaylee sleep in his bed with him. It wasn't that she was bad to lie next to, no not at all. In fact, it probably would have been better if she was. But hearing her moan lightly in her sleep did things to a man. He was, after all, just a man. And Kaylee, no matter how much he tried to deny it or think of her like a little sister, was a woman. A woman who certainly wasn't his sister. Still, he couldn't help feeling like a lecher. Kaylee had come to him for comfort, not so that a dirty old man could entertain inappropriate thoughts about her in the morning. He figured he should wake her before things other than his mind got out of hand. Were other things to happen, say below the belt, he had no idea how he'd explain that to Kaylee without her being disgusted with him forever.

He was broken out of his thoughts when Kaylee muttered, "Morning," still half-asleep. Before he could say anything in response, her lips found his. His eyes widened in shock as her tongue snaked into his mouth.

It wasn't long before her eyes widened in shock too. They remained lip to lip for a couple seconds in silence, looking at each other wide-eyed, before Kaylee leapt off the bed. "Oh, God, Cap'n! I'm sorry!" she said with embarrassment, not daring to look at him.

Mal remained on the bed, grateful that she wasn't looking at him. That thing he didn't want to have to explain before happened when she kissed him, and he was none too keen on having her notice. "Not a problem," he said as casually as his hoarse voice enabled him.

"Well, um, I'm gonna get dressed, I mean changed cause it's not like I'm naked now, erm, and then check on _Serenity_," Kaylee sputtered, bolting out of his room as fast as her legs would take her.

"She just had to go and say naked, didn't she?" the Captain sighed. He decided that the first thing he'd do that morning would be take a nice, cold shower.

Chinese:

_Xie-xie ni: thank you_

_Fay hwa: nonsense_


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Sorry that this took longer than usual! This past week has been finals hell. But now they're over and I don't have to worry about school interfering :). Thank you for all your lovely reviews!

**Important Note:** Incase my timeline isn't clear, this story takes place _after_ Inara left Serenity, but before the events of the movie.

* * *

Kaylee couldn't believe what she had done that morning. When she woke up in Mal's arms, she thought she had been dreaming. So she kissed him. _Kissed _him. Turned out, she wasn't dreaming. 

When she came aboard _Serenity_, she'd held a torch for the Captain. Just remembering the way he had offered her a job sent chills down her spine.

"_You got much experience with a vessel like this?" he asked curiously._

_  
"I never even been up in one before," she replied with excitement._

_  
"Wanna?"he asked seductively while raising his eyebrows._

If the engine hadn't seduced her to work on the boat, _he_ certainly would have. However, it became clear pretty quickly that it was an unrequited crush. The Captain had no designs on her. He saw her as a little girl and nothing more. Even as she got older, the Captain only saw her as a little sister. A man like him was attracted to sultry women like Inara, not cute girls like her. Those were the facts. So she accepted that and tried not to think of him in an inappropriate manner from then on. It became easier once Simon came on board. She could focus her attention on the cute doctor instead. But she knew in her heart that she and Simon never clicked. Even if they ever got together, she had a feeling that it wouldn't last. She'd only end up heartbroken and alone.

Kind of like now. Only now, she didn't even have her family to fall back on.

Her family. It was still hard to believe that they were dead. Being on board _Serenity_, in fact, it was easier to pretend that they weren't. That's why she tended to avoid everyone. As long as she was alone and not talking about her family, she could convince herself that they were still okay. But then, at any given moment, she would start thinking about them and realize that they were, in fact, gone. So she'd mourn them, as if she had just heard the news for the first time.

She felt… _empty_. As if there was no point to waking up anymore. It was something she wasn't used to. Yet when she was with the Captain she felt that void slowly being filled, and as a result she craved his closeness. But feelings began to reawake… feelings she had denied for so long… feelings for _him_. And a part of her wondered if she really wanted to hide from them any longer.

* * *

In the weeks that passed, Mal noticed that Kaylee was trying somewhat to restore normalcy in her life. She occasionally attended meals and tried not to hole up in her room all the time. Although it was an improvement, Mal could see that she was still just a shell of her former self. She never smiled, and certainly never laughed. Everyone agreed that _Serenity_ didn't feel the same without Kaylee's cheerfulness bouncing off the walls. 

To make things worse, things had been awkward between them since the kiss. He and Kaylee weren't avoiding each other, but their conversations were restricted to short statements. They both became jumpy when unavoidable body contact occurred, like the time they had simultaneously reached for the protein during dinner.

He wondered how long things would go on like this. More than anything, he hated feeling uncomfortable around Kaylee. Out of anyone on the ship, Mal had always felt most at ease with her. The Shepherd made him feel defensive, Simon was too reserved, Zoe was too professional, Wash sometimes resented his relationship with Zoe, Jayne was too scary, and Inara had been too refined. And well, no one really ever felt at ease with River.

Right now he was seeking out Kaylee to tell her about a mission. He headed for the engine room, knowing he'd find her there. Sure enough, he did. She was entrenched in some part or other of the engine when he cleared his throat.

Kaylee looked up and immediately refocused her attention on the engine part when she saw that her intruder was Mal. "Oh, um, hey Cap'n, what can I do for you?" she stuttered.

Mal again cursed the awkwardness between them. Yet on seeing her, he remembered lying next to her in bed and the feel of her lips on his mouth. He thought of the unexpected delight he felt when her tongue touched his. Yeah, it was definitely those kinds of thoughts that were making it difficult to be around her. He shouldn't be harboring romantic thoughts toward his mechanic. It just wasn't right, especially at a time when she was so vulnerable. "I was just wonderin' if you were feelin' up for a mission," he told her, trying to shake away his thoughts.

"Really?" she asked eagerly, finally meeting his gaze.

"Yeah. It's just a simple mission to barter for parts with Castor, since we're in the area. But if you're not feelin' up to it, I can take Wash- "

"No no, I'll go," she said quickly. "It'll be a good way to get my mind off… things," she said, referring to her family.

"Well, all right then. Meet me in the bridge once we hit atmo," he said. He then nodded at her and took his leave, wondering if a mission alone with Kaylee was really the best idea under the present circumstances.

* * *

Kaylee and Mal sat quietly in Inara's old shuttle, waiting for the "O.K." from Wash to leave. The crew was going to get much needed supplies from the main city while Mal and Kaylee flew to a more remote area, where Castor's "engine parts store" was located. 

Wash finally cleared them to leave. "Okay Wash, we're headin' out," Mal replied over the intercom. "Don't you go leaving without us now, ya hear?"

"Oh come on, Mal. I'd never dream of leaving _Kaylee_ behind," Wash responded.

Mal rolled his eyes. "Yeah, thanks."

Mal and Kaylee finally detached from _Serenity_ and glided toward their destination. "It might take a little bit to get there," Mal told her.

"That's fine," she replied, intent on enjoying the closeness of Mal while she could. Looking over at him, she saw him concentrated on the scenery in front of them and wondered what was on his mind. She suddenly asked, "Does being in this shuttle make you think of Inara?"

"A little bit," he answered quietly. "Doesn't hurt to think about her, though. Not like it used to," he told her.

"Are you in love with her?" Kaylee asked boldly.

Mal's jaw tightened. He had been, some time ago, but that didn't mean he wanted to talk about it. "Now Kaylee, I know I let you get away with a lot of things, but that ain't exactly your business," he said.

"I know, I'm sorry," Kaylee apologized. "It's just, I know how it feels, lovin' someone you can't be with."

He took a sideways glance at her. "I suppose you would," he said darkly, assuming that she was referring to Simon.

Kaylee misinterpreted his comment. _Shiny, just damn shiny. So he knows I love him_, she thought. "So I guess you know, then?" she asked with an awkward laugh.

"It'd be hard not to," he answered, keeping his gaze on the windshield. This conversation made him uncomfortable. He could think of about a million things he'd rather talk about than Kaylee's love for Simon.

"Well, that's what that kiss was about the other mornin', in case you didn't figure it out," she said weakly. She wondered why she kept pressing the issue. It was obvious from his disinterest in the conversation that he didn't have any feelings for her that weren't platonic.

She was surprised when he looked at her with furious eyes. "So you were thinkin' 'bout Simon while you were kissin' me?" he asked angrily.

"Simon? Huh? What in the 'verse gave you that idea?" she asked confused.

"Weren't we just talkin' about how you're in love with Simon?" he asked, even more puzzled than her.

"No!" she said, surprised. "We were talkin' about how I'm in love with _you_! Or do I have to put that in 'captain dummy talk' also?"

Her words were met with a deafening silence. Despite the quiet, the intensity in the shuttle was so high that they could both feel it slicing through them. Mal felt a familiar ache rising up inside of him. Not a painful ache so much as a longing, really. As if drawn by a force he couldn't resist, he turned his head to see her gazing at him with hopeful eyes.

Everything became clear to him in that moment, and he wondered exactly when it was that he had fallen for little Kaywinnit Lee Frye.

Just when Kaylee was sure that the anticipation would kill her, she finally heard the Captain speak. "You don't know what you're sayin', little Kaylee," he said very quietly, almost in a whisper. Mal refused to look at her as he said it. If he had, he might have seen the light in her eyes vanish in an instant.

* * *

The rest of the ride had been spent in absolute silence. Neither Mal nor Kaylee had the desire to speak. Kaylee wished she could just crawl into a hole and die. She was completely and utterly embarrassed that she had told Mal about her feelings for him. She hadn't meant to, but because of circumstances she couldn't control, mainly him being an idiot, she just blurted it out. She also felt rejected, but to be honest, his reaction hadn't been unexpected. She just wished she could have kept her feelings to herself, because now things would be even _more_ awkward between them. 

Mal, on the other hand, didn't know whether he felt worse about being a bastard to Kaylee, or for denying himself of something he really wanted. He felt that he was doing the right thing, though. Kaylee only _thought_ she loved him because she was grieving and her emotions were out of whack. He couldn't take advantage of her while she was vulnerable. They'd only end up doing something that she'd eventually regret, and then, well, he'd _really_ feel like a bastard. He was relieved when they finally reached their destination, and landed the shuttle on the dirty soil in front of Castor's place.

As he and Kaylee were leaving the ship, though, he felt something rising in his gut. Things were too quiet.

"Stay here," he ordered Kaylee and pulled out his gun. "Somethin' doesn't feel right."

She nodded and he could see that she felt it too. "If I'm not back here in five minutes, you take the shuttle and get the hell outta here, got it?" Her eyes widened and he wondered why he was even wasting his breath. "I mean it, Kaylee. Come back with Zoe and the others if you have to, but if something goes wrong you leave."

Mal turned away and entered Castor's "shop." When nobody greeted him, he knew that something really _was_ wrong. The shop looked deserted and a few things were thrown about. Mal cautiously entered the back room, clutching his gun tightly. When he opened the door to find his business partner and friend dead with a bullet lodged in his head, Mal cursed under his breath in Chinese. He quickly turned around and ran toward the shuttle.

"Kaylee!" he called before he even walked out the door. "Get in the ship, we're getting out of here!"

As he opened the door to see three men, one of whom was holding a gun to Kaylee's head, he immediately stopped in his tracks.

"Funny. That's exactly what we was thinkin'," the man with the gun to Kaylee's head said. "Now I'd put down your gun, unless you want to see the brains from her pretty little head all over your ship."


	6. Chapter 6

"_Now I'd put down your gun, unless you want to see the brains from her pretty little head all over your ship_."

Kaylee whimpered at the man's words, and Mal could see her shaking with fear. The sight was enough to make his blood boil. He didn't take too kindly to men threatening his crew, especially when that crew member was Kaylee. Quickly assessing the situation, Mal saw that all three men were holding guns. Keeping a stone cold face, he slowly put his gun on the ground. He'd think of a plan… he _had_ to. In the meantime, he grinded his teeth with anger, wanting to strangle the man holding a gun to Kaylee.

"We got a nice load from your friend's little shop there," the looter said. "Too bad we had to kill him. Well, who am I kiddin', we didn't _have _to." At that Kaylee couldn't control another whimper from leaving her mouth, drawing the man's attention to her. "Such a pretty little thing, eh? I think we'll take her with us," he said with a laugh.

"Ooh, can I play with her, Boss?" one of the men asked in a low but childlike voice. He was the biggest man of the bunch, yet he probably had the least amount of brain cells.

"I 'spose we'll all get a turn," the man smiled.

Mal felt his heart lurch in his chest. His fists were clenched so tightly that he almost drew his own blood with his stubby nails. He couldn't remember a time that he'd ever been so scared, and he knew he had to find some way to protect Kaylee. The only way they were taking Kaylee was over his dead body. And if that's the way things had to be, well then that's the way things had to be.

"Now, I don't think you want to do that," Mal said, trying to stall for time.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion," the man said maliciously. "Now here's the way things are goin' down: We're taking the girl, and we're taking the ship."

Mal was about to attempt some "thrilling heroics," hoping to grab his gun and shoot at whoever moved first, when something unexpected happened. A decoy. Unfortunately, the decoy happened to be Reavers.

To everyone's surprise, a cluster of three Reavers had encircled the group. Immediately they had gone for the three armed men, hoping to disarm their prey before having their way with them. Reavers may be monsters, but they certainly weren't stupid.

Mal didn't know whether to be relieved or horrified that the Reavers chose that moment to interfere. All he knew was that he'd have to react quickly if he was going to get Kaylee out of there unharmed. He swiftly grabbed his gun and headed for Kaylee.

The two subordinate thieves were attempting to hold back their respective attackers, but their leader never had a chance. Kaylee watched as a Reaver jumped up right next to him and menacingly sliced at the man.

Kaylee screamed in horror as her former captor fell to the ground, his blood splattering on her face. He was severely injured, but he wasn't dead. The Reavers planned to make his death far more brutal, she was sure. _This is what happened to my family_, she thought, shaking uncontrollably now.

With her captor fallen, there was nobody between her and the Reaver. The Reaver lifted up its arm, apparently intending to slice at her in the same manner. Kaylee just closed her eyes tightly, waiting for the pain to come.

But it never did.

Instead, she felt someone grabbing her and pulling her away from the Reaver. Opening her eyes, she saw the Reaver's arm slice downward, missing her by a hair. The Reaver screamed with rage at being denied of its prey.

She noticed that it was Mal who had pulled her out of the way. He was shouting things at her, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. It all seemed so surreal. Instinctively, though, she ran in the direction that Mal was pulling her, knowing that he'd keep her safe.

Mal managed to get them both on board the shuttle quickly, and pressed the button to seal the door. The enraged Reaver had tried to follow them onto the ship, but Mal shot the Reaver right in the chest, knocking him back a few feet and allowing the door to close.

Mal ran to the controls and raced the shuttle out of there. He looked back to see if the Reavers were attempting to follow them, but they seemed occupied with their captured prey. It took about ten minutes before Mal was finally convinced that they weren't being tailed. He put the shuttle on autopilot and knelt down to the shaking girl.

"Kaylee?" he asked gently, trying to get her to acknowledge him, but she acted as if she didn't even hear him. "Are you hurt?" he tried again, putting his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look at him.

A wave of panic shot through him as he saw the spots of blood on her face, followed by immediate relief when he realized that the blood wasn't hers. He gently wiped the bloodspots away with the sleeve of his shirt and then put his hands on her shoulders.

"Kaylee?" he asked again while peering into her eyes, hoping to see some sort of recognition in them.

There was none.

_Gorramit, she's in shock_, he thought. "Kaylee!" he called with urgency, trying to get her out of her catatonic state. But the trauma of the situation and the correlation with what had happened to her family had forced her mind to completely shut down.

He tried shaking her and repeatedly called her name, but to no avail. "Gorramit, Kaylee!" he said and then did the only thing that came to mind. He kissed her.

His initial response was to wonder what the hell he had been thinking, but when her lips reacted to his and her arms snaked around his neck, his cares seemed to fade away. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice was telling him that since she was out of shock, he had no right to be kissing her anymore. The closeness of her made his thinking hazy, however, and instead he only deepened the kiss.

All too soon for Mal's taste Kaylee pulled away, as if just fully gaining her bearings after the shock. "Cap'n?" she asked, looking up at him with questioning eyes.

He gently leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Images of her being held at gun point and then nearly being impaled by a Reaver sent chills through his body. Taking a deep breath he said, "You really scared me back there, _bao-bei_."

_Bao-bei_? she questioned to herself, wondering if she had misheard him. As he opened his eyes again she said lightly, "Well I knew you'd find a way to rescue me, Cap'n."

He wanted nothing more than to recapture her lips in his, wanting to kiss the lips whose words kept him sane. But before he could act on his impulse, the ship's proximity warning went off. They were approaching _Serenity_.

As they neared the ship, Mal felt the weight of responsibility penetrating through him again. The voice in the back of his mind that he had silenced before now roared with a vengeance, plaguing him with accusations of taking advantage of Kaylee in a time of trauma. Besides, he had a policy on shipboard romances for a reason. Things only got complicated and messy. What would happen if they had a fight and she decided to leave _Serenity_?

He got up to man the controls, calling Wash over the intercom to alert him of reattachment. Once the shuttle landed, he opened the door and looked over to Kaylee, who returned his gaze with questioning eyes.

"Go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure you didn't get hurt back there," he ordered with a hoarse voice and immediately left the shuttle, leaving Kaylee confused, disappointed, and alone.

* * *

Chinese:

_bao-bei – darling, sweetheart_


	7. Chapter 7

An internal battle raged on within Mal's core, as his actions toward Kaylee earlier that day still managed to haunt him. The conflicting voices inside his head were starting to drive him insane. He tried to push away his thoughts, convincing himself that there were more important matters at hand. After all, he had a ship to run.

Entering the cargo bay, Mal saw Jayne and Zoe loading supplies onto the ship. "Did you get the things we needed?" he asked his first mate.

"Yes, Sir," Zoe replied. "Everything went off without a hitch."

"I wish I could say the same," Mal sighed. Things on his end certainly hadn't gone to plan.

"Trouble, Sir?" Zoe asked.

Mal nodded. "You could say that. Just the usual thieves and Reavers, nothing we couldn't handle," he explained. _Not to mention what happened on the ship with Kaylee, _he thought.

"Reavers? Them things give me the chills," Jayne said shuddering. "You sure they didn't follow ya?"

"Yeah, Jayne, I'm sure," Mal said with little patience. "Don't you have guns to go play with or something?"

"As a matter of fact…" Jayne trailed off thoughtfully and headed to his room.

"Everything alright?" Zoe asked, wondering why the Captain dismissed Jayne when there were plenty of boxes that needed loading.

"Huh? Yeah, fine, everythin's fine, why would you even ask?" Mal said in a slightly higher voice than usual.

Zoe looked at him suspiciously and said, "Does this have something to do with Kaylee being upset?" She had seen the girl heading to the infirmary in lower spirits than usual, and wondered if something that Mal said had been the cause.

"No," he said. She stared him down. "Maybe," he said, getting nervous under her glare. She didn't flinch and never once let up her intense gaze. "Alright, fine! Yes. _Ye Soo_, Zoe, you could melt ice with that stare!"

A small smile almost made its way to Zoe's face, but she managed to suppress it and continue her inquiry. "And what exactly did you do, Sir?" Zoe asked in a voice akin to that of a mother berating a child.

He really didn't want to tell her, but she started doing that staring thing again and he'd do anything to avoid that. "I may have kissed Kaylee," he mumbled, so that his words were barely audible.

"What? Did you just say that you kissed Kaylee?" Wash's voice shouted in surprise from behind Mal, making the Captain jump.

"Sshhhhh!" Mal hushed Wash and looked around to see if anyone heard. The last thing he wanted was another lecture from the Shepherd about going to a 'special hell.'

"You kissed Kaylee?" Wash asked again, this time in a forceful whisper. "What about your whole thing against shipboard romances?" he asked, putting his arm around his wife as he said that.

"It wasn't like that!" Mal protested. "I mean, we were attacked, and then she was in shock, and I had to get her out of shock, so I kissed her," he rambled defensively.

"Of course," Zoe said and Mal looked at her hopefully. "Just like you used to kiss the men in the squad during the war, to get them out of shock," she said with a raised eyebrow and a healthy dose of sarcasm.

Mal muttered something about her being a smart-ass and then put his head in his hands. "I'm a bad, bad man," he groaned.

"What did you do now, Mal?" the Shepherd asked, heading into the cargo bay from his quarters.

"He kissed Kaylee!" Wash said before Mal could get out any words of denial.

"Wash!" he scolded and looked at the Preacher in fear. Now he was really going to get it.

There was a moment of silence while everyone intently awaited the Shepherd's reaction. "Would you mind if we had a conversation in private?" Book asked the Captain slowly, causing Mal to swallow hard.

"I, uh, have captaining to do-"

"Mal," the Preacher said sternly.

The Captain sighed heavily. "Fine," he said and followed the Preacher into his quarters. "Alright, lay it on me Preacher," Mal said, resigned to a lecture.

"To borrow a phrase from River, you really are a boob," the Shepherd said knowingly.

"Come again?" Mal asked, thinking he must have misheard the Shepherd. "Did you just call me a boob?"

"I did," the Shepherd confirmed. "You kissed Kaylee because you have feelings for her, didn't you?"

"I... she… it just happened," Mal stuttered, not knowing how to reply.

The Shepherd just shook his head. "I know you Mal. You kissed her, and now your idiotic sense of nobility is telling you that you shouldn't have, right?"

"Idiotic sense of nobility?" Mal asked, feeling slightly insulted. "Preacher, you're the one who gave me that whole 'special hell' lecture, or don't you remember?"

"Oh, I remember," the Preacher commented. "But I gave you that lecture concerning a woman that you had no feelings for, a woman whom you had no intentions to start a future with. Now I could be wrong, but I believe that you feel differently toward Kaylee."

Mal sighed in defeat. He wanted to deny his feelings, but he was just so tired. Tired of fighting his instincts, tired of fighting his feelings, and mainly tired of holding back from Kaylee. Yet, he still wanted to do right by her. "She's grieving," he said to the Preacher with heavy eyes. "If I let anything happen, I'd be taking advantage."

"I think you need to have more faith that she knows what she wants," Shepherd said.

Mal almost rolled his eyes. It was always about faith with the Shepherd, wasn't it? "Shipboard romances though, they only cause problems," Mal muttered.

"Like I said," the Preacher sighed. "A boob."

Mal glared at the Shepherd and left the room, determined to find Kaylee.

* * *

Mal knocked on the door to Kaylee's room only to hear a muffled, "Go away!" from inside. Ignoring her, he opened the door and descended the ladder. The noise surprised her and she looked at him irately from her position on the bed. 

"I thought I told you to go away," she said. Her voice was laced with so much hostility that he couldn't help but wince.

"Sorry, my boat my rules," Mal said authoritatively and gave her a slightly apologetic smile. She rolled her eyes at him and then looked away. _This is certainly going well_, Mal thought.

"So let me guess, you came here to kiss me, maybe throw in a _bao-bei_ here and there, and then leave before I figure out what the heck's goin' on?" she asked indignantly.

"Only if we don't finish up by dinner time," he said without seriousness.

"I ain't laughin'," Kaylee responded, not in the mood for jokes.

"I noticed. In fact, you ain't been laughin' much at all lately," he observed. "I don't even remember the last time I saw you smile."

Kaylee looked over at him and arched an eyebrow. "You're one to talk. You hardly ever smile… ever. Only once and a while."

"I ain't accustomed to smilin'," Mal commented and was nearly startled out of his skin when she suddenly jumped up from the bed.

"Why not?" she asked heatedly, as if it made no sense to her. "Why can't you just let yourself be happy?" she wondered and slowly approached him. Upon reaching him, she stared deeply into his eyes and brought her hand to the side of his face.

He swallowed heavily but kept her intense gaze. "Listen, _bao-bei_- "

At hearing those words Kaylee retreated, fearing another lead-up and let-down, but he grabbed her wrist tightly and forced her back to him. "I know I got a lot of explainin' to do," he admitted.

"No," she said while shaking her head gently and looking down. "You don't have to explain anythin'. I think I get it."

"You do?" he asked uncertainly.

She nodded but still avoided his eyes. "Yeah, I do," she said. "I know I ain't anythin' beautiful or special, like 'Nara was."

"Kaylee," Mal said gently, putting his hand under her chin and forcing her to look at him. "You're plenty beautiful," he said, wishing that he was better with words, but by the way her eyes shone he knew it didn't matter what he said so long as he meant it. "And do you really want to get me started on special?"

By the way she looked at him, he knew that she did. "Okay," he said with a light sigh, knowing he owed her at least that much. "Remember when I took you to the ball?" he asked and her eyes lit up at the memory. "Right. Well, the way I remember it, you had a whole group of fellas surrounding you. Those men were practically eatin' out of your hand," he commented, surprised at the surge of jealousy that assaulted him on remembering the events.

"But 'Nara- "

"Inara entices men using her companion training," Mal explained, cutting her off. "She knows what they want to hear and puts on an act. You, on the other hand, attracted those men that night just by being yourself. Now I think that's mighty special."

His words truly touched her, but she still wasn't fully convinced. "But what about you, Cap'n?"

He sighed again resignedly, knowing that he'd have to talk to her about his feelings sooner or later. "I ain't gonna lie and say that I didn't have feelings for Inara. But things could never have worked out between us, and I ain't just sayin' that cause of her job."

Kaylee looked at him questioningly, so he continued. "Most of the time, being with Inara felt like drowning. Things just got so complicated that I felt like I couldn't breathe," he described. "But Kaylee, when I'm around you I feel different. Like everythin's light and effortless. You make me think sometimes that no matter what, everythin's going to be okay," he told her.

She was so overcome by his words that she couldn't speak. Looking at him unbelievingly, tears gathered in her eyes and threatened to fall. She could tell he wasn't done saying his piece, so she stood there silently and waited for him to continue.

He smiled sadly at her and said, "Then Kaylee, when your family died, things changed. You changed. It was like the light inside you went out. And all of a sudden, I was lost. I didn't know what to do without it, didn't realize how much I needed it in my life." He paused and took a deep breath. "The 'verse just didn't feel right with you bein' sad, so I tried to make things okay again. And somewhere along the way I realized just how much I've come to love you, _bao-bei_."

Tears fell silently down Kaylee's cheeks, but her smile shimmered through the drops. Upon seeing her smile, Mal realized just how much he missed it and couldn't help but smile back. "But then why on the shuttle when I told you how I felt… and then again afterward…" she trailed off, not really able to form sentences at the moment.

Chuckling lightly at her stammering, he took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. "You were vulnerable. Still are. Thought I might be takin' advantage," he explained.

"_Shagua_!" Kaylee exclaimed with frustration.

"Guess decency doesn't get you very far these days," Mal grumbled. Was today 'call your captain a derogatory name day' or something?

Kaylee smiled brightly at him and couldn't help but let out a small giggle. "Stop your whinin' and kiss me," she commanded.

"Now that's one order I don't mind takin'," he told her and happily complied. Closing his eyes he brought his head down to hers and their lips connected. As their mouths danced, Kaylee brought her arms up to the Captain's shoulders and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

Things became heated quickly, and it wasn't long before they made their way to the bed, never once breaking the kiss. Kaylee aggressively unbuckled the Captain's suspenders and then unbuttoned his shirt, letting her hands roam around his body and giving him chills. The way she smelled like _Serenity_ drove him wild, not to mention the enthusiasm in which she explored every inch of his torso.

All of a sudden she pulled away and looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Hold up a minute, Cap'n. Doesn't this violate your policy 'bout shipboard romances?"

Mal grumbled unappreciatively and pulled her back down to him, crushing her mouth to his. "Well now, you know I was never one to follow the rules," he said hoarsely once she came up for air. She laughed giddily and Mal could feel the sound warming his whole body.

And once again, or maybe for the first time ever, things seemed right in the 'verse.

* * *

Chinese:

_Ye Soo – Jesus_

_bao-bei – darling, sweetheart_

_shagua – idiot_

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that's it! Hope that the end wasn't fluff overkill :). Let me know if you liked it (or hated it). In any case, thanks for reading! Thanks for all your comments so far! 


End file.
